May the 4th Be With You… Unless You’re an Asshole —OR— Coming to Terms With My Own Toxicity
“Star Wars for adults!” That overused expression was what circled the internet when the show ANDOR landed on Disney+ (and oddly when people talk about Denis Villeneuve’s remake of DUNE). Tons of reviews, both critical and user-based, spouted that line (or something similar) over and over. And for some reason, that really, really got under my skin. What did they mean by that?
The original Star Wars, while clearly a stylized old-west in space, had a lot of adult themes. An oppressive, totalitarian Empire that boarded ships and killed who they liked. Stormtroopers who killed Luke’s Aunt and Uncle, leaving them as smoking corpses. Not to mention arm-cutting, bounty hunter murder, and planet-wide genocide. “Hey kids! Wanna see billions of people die? Hey, stop crying, this isn’t for adults! Ya pansy-ass kids.”
Empire and Jedi both had copious amounts of murder, betrayal, loss, incest-kissing, and sacrifice. Huh, bloody well sounds like a Game of Thrones ep to me. So why was ANDOR suddenly “Star Wars for adults?”
Image from SomethingAwful.com
Then it hit me… they—the people who say this—don’t actually like the core of Star Wars. Or as to not sound like a total gate-keeping asshole, what I feel to be the core of the Star Wars universe. That being, the technological juxtaposed with the spiritual/magical. Or in other words: space fantasy. Not just space opera, but actual fantasy, complete with a fully-functioning magic system, monsters, knights, and one bad-ass princess.
That’s what pulled me into Star Wars. If I want moral philosophy in space, I go watch Star Trek. If I want gritty noir, I go watch Blade Runner or 2001. But when I want that mystical feel among the stars, I go to Star Wars.
So when I watched ANDOR, I was kinda “meh” about the whole thing. I mean, it was shot well. It had some clutch moments. A heist angle for one mini-arc. A prison escape. And some cat-and-mouse political thriller points. And of course, the moment when the oppressed people rise up and fight back… just like every other story out there. But it didn’t click with me. Mostly it came off to me as being purposely designed to be completely bereft of Jedi, Lightsabers, and the Force. You know, the things that kinds sorta (absolutely) makes Star Wars what it is and sets it apart from its peers. Instead, I watched a bleak, cold, blue-gray-filtered-looking depression quest following Diego Luna’s titular Andor who stumbled in and out of events like a space-faring Candide. His approach was to stand somewhere, do his shifty-eye look-around thing, and then move to the next scene. Reductive? Yes. Am I skipping over Mon Mothma’s go-nowhere story or Luthen’s activities? Little bit. But hey, apparently I’m just a child. What do I know? Boring, slow, and oppressed is apparently what “adults” want. Unless you mean the exact same things in a well-told story, like Arcane or Season 1 of Carnival Row.
Seems to me, the showrunners wanted a Blade Runner-feel, but in Star Wars. And if I’m being brutally honest with my opinion, ANDOR did nothing better than the other sci-fi it was clearly emulating. It was a copy/paste of other space noir but without the skill. I know that’s harsh, but it’s my opinion. There were parts I honestly liked, but at the end of the day, Blade Runner will always be an icon while ANDOR will be just another Star Wars show.
Quick aside: do you like basketball? Who doesn’t, right? Either professional or just shooting some hoops with your friends, it’s a great time. But, what if we added full-contact? I mean, balls out, I ram into you and knock you on your ass when we’re in possession of the ball. I mean, I guess you could hit me back. Grab the guy with the ball and slam him down hard onto the pine. Hmm… we’d need helmets and pads of course, but I think it would make it more fun, trust me. Oh, and I think that if we added a few more players, preferably one person with a strong arm to launch the ball down the court, so that another person could catch it to set up a score, that would make basketball better.
In case you haven’t caught on, this is just adding football to basketball. Because the fictional speaker doesn’t just like football, they want more football in everything. Almost like, gosh, they don’t appreciate the game of basketball for what it is.
Are you catching my meaning?
The more I thought about it, that whole “Star Wars for adults!” thing, the angrier I got. How goddamn belittling is that? For adults? Tell me oh high and mighty website, do you really need to subversively push someone down to make you feel good? What the actual fuck? Sure, yes, some of the best Star Wars stories (aside from the OG) came out of the books or from Dave Filoni’s CLONE WARS and/or REBELS shows. Yes, they’re animated, but they’re solid stories that are tied deeply to the Star Wars universe and its lore.
So who the fuck are you to say this is proper Star Wars?!
… Sigh, kinda like how I’d declared a few paragraphs ago that “the real” core of Star Wars was space fantasy? You know, like a hypocrite.
Image from AZ Quotes
So with that bit of humility swallowed, I had to look past my opinions and at the franchise a whole. Especially the fans. And man… we are toxic. While the prequels weren’t my cup of tea, all you need to do is look at the stories of what fans did to folks like Ahmed Best or Jake Lloyd. Lloyd retired from acting in 2001 due to bullying at school and harassment by the press. Ahmed Best admitted to thoughts of suicide due to the barrage of harassment he received for voicing Jar Jar Binks.
And the sequel trilogy? Woof. Kelly-Marie Tran received constant sexist and racist comments online for playing Rose Tico. All the while Rian Johnson seemed to revel in provoking old-school fans by calling them “man-babies".”
You could say that the actors need thicker skin. Conversely, folks could show an ounce of humanity/empathy and NOT harass actors for playing the parts they were hired to play. Unless of course, you’re an idiot who thinks the people on the magic talky-box in their living room are real-real. As for Rian Johnson and his actions online? Well, the old internet axiom still stands: don’t feed the trolls.
… Even if his smug face is so goddamn punchable.
Having criticism is okay. Having a different POV is good. Now, do I think that a HUGE ASS SWATH of people online will take any fucking intellectual property and turn it into a political statement? Yes. Yes I do. Whether real or imagined, it’s what people do these days. And it sucks. But that’s echo chambers. Some people want to live in them. Drink their respective cool aid or else face being ostracized.
Some folks will always call the Disney era of Star Wars a “blow to the patriarchy.” Other folks will always call it “woke garbage.” And some folks will just say “meh?” But the reality is, it’s still Star Wars. And saying it’s not the “real” Star Wars is a douche move, no matter what camp your come from. Even though it’s anathema to God’s will, pineapple pizza is still pizza. Just not the pizza I want.
Image from georgelyonsbuyscars.com
Cards on the table, I have not really enjoyed the Disney era of Star Wars. There’ve been a few things I liked. Elements/parts of each show or movie. But as a whole, I feel it’s a product instead of a passion. But that’s me. When something feels manufactured, lacking heart, then it reads that way in the script, pacing, plot, and pathos of the characters. As such, the bulk of Disney Star Wars, again . . . to me, doesn’t feel fresh or enriching. Mostly comes off to me as being devoid of original ideas, choosing instead to rehash old material -or- creating contrary for the sake of contrary. I’m sure some folks love it all just because it’s more Star Wars. Just like there are folks out there who hate it because it’s Star Wars. And that’s okay too. It’s your opinion.
So this May the 4th I urge fans of any beloved IP to discuss, listen, politely disagreed, and be wise enough to walk the fuck away when necessary. Odds are I will never convince someone that their opinion is wrong, just like they won’t convince me. But I will hear their words and dwell on them. Possibly even shift my perspective a bit and at least try to see it all from a certain point of view.
… except pineapple pizza. That slice of shit can go to hell.
Live Long & Strong
~Gibby
Fantasy TV Burnout -Or- Why Am I So “Meh” about Rings of Power/House of the Dragon?
No matter how old I get, part of me will always be like Bastian, that kid who lived in a land of make believe w/their head in the clouds. Kind of a “no shit” statement considering what I do/write for a living. So when the Sci-fi & Fantasy (SFF) media revolution began in the late 90’s/early 00’s, you can imagine how I, along with the rest of the nerds of the world, rejoiced. Like the Goonies, this was OUR TIME. And over the last two decades, SFF remained the dominant entertainment media.
And I’m—I’m kind of getting tired of it.
Image from Meme generator
Don’t get me wrong, I still consume SFF as much as the next nerd. But the sheer volume of pop culture saturation has me just kinda . . . burned out? Desensitized and apathetic. Maybe it’s like a porn thing, you know? The adage that the more you consume the more you become numb to the medium, thus forcing deeper searches for either the truly excellent or the truly bizarre to pique your interest. Eh, who knows? Anyway, when the media heralded the coming of Rings of Power and House of the Dragon, I just kinda shrugged. So with that burnout filter in mind, here are my quick reviews of the latest entries of prestige fantasy drama. (If you don’t want to hear a middle-aged dude rant, then skip to the end where I try to redeem myself by listing shows I really like/recommend)
Image from IGN
House of the Dragon (HoT-D!!)
So right out of the gate, this show is obviously going to be compared to its predecessor. Impossible to separate them due to nerd zeitgeist. But considering how GoT ended, metaphorically like a stinking, loud wet fart after what had been some great sex, all the show had to be was better than that. And as such, my overall opinion was . . . it was safe. New actors doing and saying the same old thing in the old same places we’ve already seen. “Oh . . . look, it’s King’s Landing, the Red Keep, the Iron Throne, the Small Council, the Hand of the King, Maesters, family/house names we know, and . . . oh boy, white-haired Targaryen women with dragons wanting to be queen . . . again.”
And this is just me talking, but once you’ve seen Tyrion, Tywin, Littlefinger, Varys, Queen of Thorns plotting and sniping, or the sheer self-serving malevolent insanity of a Geoffrey, then the best HOT-D had to offer was little league at best by comparison.
Without a looming threat like the White Walkers or a legitimate external threat to give the internal strife context, and the fantasy elements just being “hey look, a dragon . . . neat,” then the show boiled down to elite 1%’ers fucking and fucking each other over. The Real Housewives of Westeros if you will. I know that’s reductive, but it’s my opinion.
Image from The Wrap
Then there were the time jumps, where whole sections of the cast were changed, leaving them without enough screen time to care about, let alone giving a damn when they have “a shocking death.” You want me to feel something for brown-hair generic son #2’s grisly dragon-back demise? Seriously?! Please, I was cheering for his death. When Ned Stark died it had an impact because we spent an entire season (1st book) with him (seemingly) as the main protagonist. Subsequent deaths in the OG GoT show followed the same formula: spend copious amounts of time with them, get to know their multi-faceted character, then kill them. Brown-hair generic son #2 (not gonna bother looking up the name) may have been cool in the book, dunno, didn’t read it. But on screen, he and most of the kids were as captivating as room-temperature water paired with unsalted crackers. And when the king died it was a goddamn blessing as we watched him literally fall apart for most of the season.
Now all that being said, I still gave this show 4 out of 5 dragons. For my gripes, I can’t deny the production and the acting skills of Paddy Considine, Matt Smith, Emma D’Arcy, Eve Best, Rhys Ifan, Olivia Cook, or Milly Alcock. Each of them played their respective characters with gravitas as they wove a The Crown-like level of royal storytelling strife. So, I’ll watch season 2, but man I hope they give us something new. Again for the record, no I did not read the book . . . books? Are there more than one? I don’t know and I’m not gonna bother looking that up either. Mainly because if a show is going to be a show, you shouldn’t need a companion guide. Speaking of which . . .
Image from IMDB
Rings of Power (RoP)
Oh dear lord, where do I start? Do I need to have read outside the Hobbit and Lord of The Rings proper to know what’s going on? Because I didn’t and I don’t know or care what a Silmaril is. I do care about how the show constantly cherry-picks lines and rather specific turns of phrases from the LoR. And man does it ever feel, what’s the word I’m looking for . . . cloying? A saccharine, excessively sweet play on nostalgia that filled the screen with Peter Jackson ‘member-berries instead of crafting a world of their own. Well, that’s not true is it? According to Screenrant, Amazon has the rights to adapt The Hobbit and the appendices of The Lord of the Rings, but not The Silmarillion and Unfinished Tales. So the showrunners made their choices on how they want to tell their tale which came off to me as mostly piss-poor character archetypes that border on stereotypes, plot contrivances, and boredom.
So. Much. Boredom.
So let’s address the elephant in the room. Galadriel. To me, she’s an asshole. Maybe in 3000 years, she’ll be the Cate Blanchette version, but here in the 2nd age, she’s kind of a prick. They might have been going for strong and stalwart, but somewhere between the writing and the acting, they ended up with prick. I mean, if you’re gonna milk archetypes, then go for Steve Rodgers from MCU. A constant, dedicated, and capable character sure. But most importantly self-aware vice self-righteous. Humility, even a touch of self-depreciation, endears an audience. Now with all that said, Yes, Galadriel was a driven, capable warrior. And yup, she was 100% right that Sauron had survived and was out there despite everyone telling her no. And boy I’m so glad the plot let her realize who Sauron was at the very end for . . . like, no discernible reason, considering she was thirsting for him hard for most of the show.
Image from Reddit
This version of Galadriel is a villain pretending to be a protagonist. Aside from leaving troops to die (to which I don’t blame said troops for their mutiny one bit,) remember when she performed a soliloquy to a captured Adar? The one where she will keep him alive just so she can kill every orc in middle-earth, only to then tell him that all his children are dead and then kill him? Yeah, that’s called genocide.
Man, wasn’t there an internet movement a while back about Tolkien and D&D, where certain “monster” races, which were considered “evil,” being coded as basically non-white people in fantasy? And here we have Galadriel talking about exterminating them all? I’m not one to whip up an angry twitter mob or anything, but umm . . . like, you know? Moving on.
Image from Reddit
As for the rest of the characters, I honestly didn’t care about them. Not the Scottish dwarves, the Irish Hobbits (Harfoots?), the Stranger who is clearly Gandalf (too soon arriving in middle earth I hear? Maybe its actually Saruman?), the discount Aragon/Sauron, and not this version of Elrond who looked like Neil Patrick Harris’s inbred cousin. Oh, and the one healer lady/single mom who led the southland humans, you know how I knew she’d be the leader of that group? Not because she was brave, fearless, or whatever they were trying to convey, but because she was the only person in the village not covered in mud, had all her teeth, and spoke like she went to an Oxford finishing school. In fact the only characters I liked were: Ismael Cruz Cordova’s Arondir, Sophia Nomvete’s Princess Disa, and Joseph Mawle’s Adar. Their respective tales and POVs I actually found myself enjoying.
images from Den of Geek, British GQ, and Epicstream respectively
But like the above review, I have to give credit where it’s due. It’s clear Amazon sunk a buncha money into RoP. The show looked mostly great and yes, there were some actual cool moments. I don’t care if that’s how volcanoes are made, that whole ep was pretty solid. And like HoT-D, I didn’t hate RoP. I was . . . whelmed. Not over or under, just whelmed. But by the end, for me it was sadly just another generic fantasy show without an identity of it’s own. Middling writing with fancy production to hide the lack of actual multi-dimensional characters. A very weak 3 out of 5 Balrogs for me. And I’m not alone. Check out The Guardian’s review HERE.
So yeah, maybe it’s me. Maybe these are amazing shows and I’m just burned out. But I have a feeling I’m not the only one feeling the SFF burnout. No shade being tossed to Top Gun: Maverick, as it’s been dominating the box office. But I have a sneaking suspicion that if that flick had come out even 5 years prior during peak MCU, Star Wars, etc, I think it would have been a blip. But as it stands now, folks are raving about this movie. My guess is that folks are hungry for something else. Something simple with as many practical effects as possible. Wonder why?
Recommendations
NOW, so I’m not a total asshole, here are some “recent” shows (SFF and standard fiction) I’ve greatly enjoyed for their writing, character work, and having a unique identity. Arcane being the current gold standard of where storytelling and visuals meets solid AF character work.
Images from their respective parent sites.
As always, feel free to leave a comment of message me directly on Facebook or Twitter to tell if I’m right, wrong, or somewhere in the middle.
Live long and strong
~Gibby
When White Women Explode -Or- Questioning Sci-Fi Fantasy Standards
We marvel at the moments when women in sci-Fi/fantasy explode into incredible power because they’re freaking awesome to behold. Super powerful, super cool, and plain old badass. But, are they inherently sexist, or even a touch racist?
There she is. A heroine of a sci-fi/fantasy show or movie. Beaten. Pushed to the edge. Her enemies bearing down on her. A lifetime of being told that she had to repress her incredible power. To be subservient. To be meek. Weak. In control. No more. Not now. When these forces of Hell come at her, she throws her arms wide, throws back her head, and releases all the cosmic, reality-altering power that they never wanted her to have. Boom.
Pretty cool, right? Or . . . is it sexist? Or even racist?
Lemme preface this with: I have no conclusions, hot takes, or hard-line stances with this mini-essay. Just something I’ve been thinking about and wanted to jot down.
In my latest Hammer of Witches novel, She Wakes in Water, I wrote a scene when my protagonist, Aggy Grae, is pushed to her breaking point. For Aggy, it was a place no person should ever be forced to reach. But that’s what writers do . . . treat their characters like red-headed stepchildren. So anyway, when Aggy reaches this moment in the book, she *spoilers* explodes in a moment of fiery power that I had been building towards. It is an intense, heartbreaking scene. But when I step back and look at what I wrote, and what was subsequently published, I wonder if I did right by the character. But I’ll get back to that in a moment.
Watching a lot of movies/TV, and being a writer (note: I never said a good writer), one can’t help picking apart the plot, acts, characters, motivations, etc. It’s a sickness. Like your one musician friend who tears apart band/artists you like because that’s “not real music.” Aren’t they always kind of a prick? Stop bringing your guitar to parties!
Image from Pinterest/Stringjoy.com
Anyway, in addition to story structure, certain repeating themes and elements become visible when you consume a lot of media. This brings me to the point. After watching WandaVision, I thought, “Wow, Wanda is so damn cool! I love her. But man . . . white women really like to explode with power in sci-fi and fantasy, don’t they?” I then ran down a quick mental checklist.
The Scarlet Witch? Check. Explodes with grief/power in WandaVision and Avengers: Age of Ultron.
Jean Grey? Oh yeah. Whether it’s Famke Janssen or Sophie Turner, the X-verse loves to ape the Dark Phoenix and all the destructive, cataclysmic power that character can unleash.
Captain Marvel? Yup yup. The entire shtick of that flick was about holding her down and repressing her power.
Wonder Woman? Well, kinda. In the first one after Captain America dies in the plane … oops, I mean when Steve Trevor bites it in a totally unique death scene, ol’ Gal G. goes into a blind CGI roid rage, smashing everything around her.
The White Violin? Well, yeah. Vanya in The Umbrella Academy season 1 has that moment when she kinda kills the world with her display of cosmic-like power when she breaks the moon. *Please note that I am fully aware of who Elliot Page is, and refer only to the female character he played at the time.*
Oh, how about Bloom from Fate A Winx Saga? Oh my. She goes so super saiyan that she actually grows fairy fire wings while scorching the baddies with her untapped potential.
Princess Ciri in The Witcher? What? I can’t hear you over that kid’s landscape-leveling murder scream!
Images from Netflix, MCU/Disney, FOX/Disney, WB/DC
We marvel at these moments because, well, they’re freaking awesome to behold. Enough anime and animation have taught us that “going into your final form” is super powerful, super cool, and plain old badass. But these examples of female power displays got me thinking . . . are they inherently sexist? I’m not saying that they are, but follow me on this for a second.
The setup isn’t always the same, but typically, a patriarchal, oppressive authority figure seeks to control these women for the sake of innocents, normally suppressing either power or knowledge. Said authority figure postulates that, under the guise of public safety, the potential power these women hold is too great for their fragile psyches and thus must be controlled, curtailed, and diminished. See the exploits of Professor X (Stewart and McAvoy), Sir Reginald Hargreeves, Tony Stark, or Yon-Rogg for examples.
But as all the stories go, these characters inevitably break free and cut loose, normally because of emotional stress/torture, or simply being sick of putting up with people’s shit. These moments are framed to be a “breaking free of control” moment, and why shouldn’t they be? But do they actually (or accidentally) reinforce the historically negative stereotype of female hysteria/hysterical behavior they are meant to overturn? In some of these instances, people do get hurt, and not just the bad guys. In Wanda’s case, just ask the oppressed and mentally tortured people of Westview, New Jersey. And you don’t think that there were innocents on those ships Captain Marvel destroyed? #JusticeforKreeCafeteriaWorkers
Or, is this a chicken-egg scenario, where said females cut loose only because people sought to repress or control them? But said people also saw what they were capable of and repressed them in order to prevent collateral damage. But, then--oh fuck it, my head hurts now.
Setting that debate aside for the moment, I next wondered: why are only the white women exploding? Are female superheroes/powerful protagonists of color not allowed to go big badda-boom? Maybe there are and I’m forgetting, but I honestly don’t recall women of color going nuclear in the triple-A movies/shows.
Will Monica Rambeau release a wave of power as Spectrum/Photon that flattens friend and foe alike? Is Valkyrie authorized to let loose a 30-megaton blast of Asgardian whoop-ass? Will Allison “Rumor” Hargreeves yell so loud that her power dominates a state? Or maybe we’ll see Aisha cast her fairy water magic at tsunami-like levels. Hell, even Storm in the X-Men flicks, who is basically a walking goddess, only unleashes her fury in controlled, measured bursts. Speaking of X-Men, when Disney MCU finally gives us mutants, will we see beloved mallrat and Asian sensation Jubilee go thermonuclear when her back’s up against the wall? I mean, the closest I can think of is when The Witcher’s Yennefer of Vengerberg, played by Indian actress Anya Chalotra, unleashed an inferno on those ugly-armored Nilfgaardian troops. But then again, even she only did so because she was prompted by her mentor Tissaia. Meanwhile, pale-as-powdered milk Ciri gets to scream whenever she wants to and unleash devastation.
Images from Netflix, MCU/Disney, Fox/Disney
Why? Why can’t these women “explode”? Is it racist that they don’t get to do it as often as their white counterparts? Is it because creative minds fear painting the already marginalized minorities as erratic and potentially dangerous? And if that’s the case, then why do it for white women? Because like I’ve pointed out, not every phoenix moment is a good one. Sometimes innocents get hurt.
Outside of Thor in Thor: Ragnarok, I couldn’t really think of a male hero in recent memory that exploded like that. And even when Thor did, he didn’t beat Hela. He barely scratched her. His explosion of electrical was backed up by Led Zepplin’s Immigrant’s Song, and we gave it thunderous applause. Superman and Hulk do a lot of collateral damage, but no one really questions them the same way, do they?
Image from MCU/Disney
When I wrote my female-led, urban fantasy/paranormal Hammer of Witches novels, I did it because I liked a tertiary character from my Technomancer books so much, I wanted to tell her backstory. Aside from the magic and monsters, I wanted to tell a story about a woman who, due to her height, build, and mixed ethnicity, never felt like she fit in. I based Aggy Grae, physically, on several women I served with while in the Air Force who, despite feeling like pariahs, persisted, persevered, and excelled. They had great strength, and I wanted to shine a spotlight on that strength while peppering in human issues that transcend gender. And like I said earlier, in the second book, she has an explosion moment, one that I felt that the character, and the story, earned.
And frankly, I like seeing women cut loose as much as any typical male character. For me, if a character, regardless of gender identity, is well-written and propels the drama, and a display of power makes sense for the story, then go for it!
I guess I’ve written all this word-vomit because I question myself. Am I okay with these moments because that’s what I believe, or what I was inadvertently taught? In this modern age, it seems like everything is questioned, and maybe it should be. I’ve always believed in self-reflection in order to reassess core values as well as day-to-day outlooks. So, should a guy like me even touch subjects like these in his works, or should every creator work hard on trying to tell a good story while simply being conscious of the choices?
Image from Meme Maker
Anyway, as I said in the beginning, there is no conclusion to this rambling think-piece. Just something I’ve noticed and spent some time pondering. What are your thoughts?
As always, Live Long and Strong (and explode as necessary!)
~Gibby
Is Loki Responsible for Dwarf Cannibalism? -Or- Poking Fun at MCU Continuity
Did Loki’s negligence force Eitri the Dwarven weapon maker on Nidavellir to resort to cannibalism in order to survive?
Ah, the MCU. The current gold standard for movie & TV HAH-style storytelling (Humor, Action, Heart). Whether you love or hate the MCU, you have to give credit where credit is due. Across twenty-three released movies, a TV show, and with so much more to come, Executive Producer Kevin Feige clearly has a vision. And focusing that vision with sixteen different directors (and even more writers) into a cogent, beloved universe is nothing short of herculean.
Except you Agents of SHIELD. Apparently, you’re the red-headed stepchild no one loves. Trust me . . . I understand.
Images from ABC and UntappedDespite the (likely?) small army of continuity directors the MCU employs, films are slaves to the editing process, and mistakes are made. As such, certain errors pop up, no matter how hard you try. I’m sure you’ve seen website articles exploring these oversights in plot-logic. And it’s one of these “mistakes” that had a buddy and me laughing the more we explored. So I give you a theory: Did Loki’s negligence force Eitri the Dwarven weapon maker on Nidavellir to resort to cannibalism in order to survive? Here’s the evidence:
We meet Eitri on Nidavellir in 2018’s Avengers Infinity War. He claimed 300 Dwarves lived on that space station, that Thanos forced him to make a gauntlet for the Infinity Stones, and that Asgard had abandoned them (the Dwarves.)
Image from Marvel
Ahh, but what else do we know?
Odin had, what we thought, was the Infinity Gauntlet in 2011’s Thor
Image from Insider.com
But we learned that it was “fake” in 2017’s Thor: Ragnarok.
Image from Marvel
In 2018’s Avengers Infinity War, Thor claimed to be 1500. But he didn’t know about his sister. So, Odin’s desire to wield the Infinity Gauntlet likely led to a prototype created over 1500 years earlier, which is why Hela knew the one in the vault was fake.
Image from Marvel
Wait, so how does this get us to Dwarf eating dwarf? Don’t worry, we’re getting there
At the end of 2013’s Thor The Dark World, Loki has assumed the mantle of Asgard’s king disguised as Odin.
Image from Collider
Thor then runs off and has adventures, including 2015’s Avengers Age of Ultron.
Image from Marvel
In the Age of Ultron post-credits stinger, we see Thanos say “Fine, I’ll do it myself,” and grabs the Infinity Gauntlet. So, by 2015, Thanos has the Infinity Gauntlet.
Image from Marvel
Thor reports Asgard in 2017’s Thor: Ragnarok that the nine realms are in chaos. Since Loki has been pleasuring himself with plays starring Matt Damon and building statues, it’s no wonder why. Shortly thereafter, Asgard is destroyed.
Image from Marvel
So this brings us back to 2018’s Avengers Infinity War where we meet Eitri the Dwarf. And like we said earlier, Thanos had come to Nidavellir and bid Eitri make a gauntlet powerful enough to wield the Infinity Stones.
But Eitri never said when Thanos requested the gauntlet be made?
Image from Marvel
And the answer, based on the MCU presented timeline, is likely Thanos came to Eitri between Loki taking control of Asgard (2013) and Age of Ultron (2015) where we see Thanos with the gauntlet. Eitri likely just used the mold he made for the fake prototype 1500+ earlier. For his efforts, Thanos spared Eitri, but took his hands.
So for anywhere between 2013 (Thor 2) and 2018 (Infinity War) Eitri was alone. I’m sure he rationed the space station’s food for as long as he could. But with no supplies coming in from Asgard, well . . . after a while, hunger takes over. 300 dwarves, but no bodies? Yet, aside from his hands, Eitri seems to be doing … okay? Even … well-fed?
So yes, our beloved God of Mischief piss-poor leadership likely resulted in poor Eitri resorting to eating his dead kin like my redneck family at an all-you-can-eat buffet. No silverware and face first.
Image from Vice
Can’t wait for that to be explored in Loki’s Disney Plus show, or that animated What If? (Maybe a second season bonus?)
Excelsior!
Breaking Up with Star Wars -Or- It’s Not You, It’s Me
Dear Star Wars,
I heard that The Rise of Skywalker is coming to Disney+ next week just in time for May the 4th (be with you). Clever. You’ve always been clever. I’ve only seen the movie once, back when it was first released in late December 2019. Sadly, I didn’t like it . . . but it was fun.
Maybe fun isn’t enough anymore. Maybe . . . maybe this is time for us to go our separate ways.
It’s not you, it’s me.
See, I grew up loving you. The heroic adventures, the losses, the successes, and the camaraderie of Han, Luke, and Leia were my first exposure to that type of storytelling.
And it’s like they say. You never forget your first.
Image from Cinemablend
When I think about our relationship, back when it was new and fresh, when you were just the original trilogy, it was easy to be blinded by “perfect memories.” It’s hard to set aside sacred nostalgia in lieu of a critical eye. And when I did, I realized that you, well . . . you weren’t great.
But the idea of you was. I think I fell in love with the idea of you. What I thought you were.
Pulp action-fantasy in space? The mystical juxtaposed with the technological? Space wizards and laser blasters? Bounty hunters and lightsabers? Oh, you had me. I can’t deny the impact you had on me and my own writing, especially my Technomancer books.
But as time went on, I had to admit certain truths. That maybe the problem was me. I saw you in a certain way, and when that way changed, I wasn’t willing to change with you.
I loved that come Empire and Jedi, you had the boldness to time jump. I loved the opening first acts, which were amazing mini-movies (Hoth and Jabba’s palace, respectively). But then . . . well, I get kinda bored. Yes, Yoda’s introduction was iconic, as was the exploration of The Force. But let’s be honest, Luke’s three-day training montage and Cloud City aren’t really fun. And don’t get me started on the Ewoks.
Image from Me.me
Now listen, I don’t blame you. You tried. Both flicks have cool moments during their respective down times. Vader at the dinner table? The speeder bike chase on the forest moon of Endor? So cool. But honestly . . . sigh, I didn’t want to tell you this. But this is where I typically fast forward to the hype moments of the respective films. I kinda just wanna see the final Jedi/Sith confrontation.
Damn. It seems like I’m blaming you. And maybe . . . maybe I am. These feelings are natural. No relationship is perfect. After all, I have been seeing other franchises. None as beloved as you! But I wanted to be honest.
And if I’m being honest, I feel you’re partly to blame.
Don’t look at me like that. You took the the beloved scoundrel Han Solo and . . . turned him into a plot device. During the bulk of Jedi, he just stands there and overreacts to events. Sure, he helped bring down the shield generator, but he wasn’t pivotal. He’s all trembly, kinda scared, and . . . oh. Oh shit. You . . . you turned him into the Ron Weasley of Star Wars.
You did this!!!!
And that’s in addition to all the other silly shit you did. What? You know what I’m talking about. Luke and Leia kissing just to make them brother and sister ring any bells?
When the prequels came, I wanted them to be good. And . . . well, they were what they were. I liked some parts, but bad acting, worse dialogue, and a dumb-as-fuck plot about trade federations? Come on.
I know it was supposed to serve as the backdrop to the fall of Anakin and rise of Palpatine, but it was a stilted CGI-set mess and you know it. Come Revenge of the Sith, I kind of wished I was one of those younglings that Anakin butchered.
I’m sorry. That was cruel. But it’s how I felt.
I missed the old, mysterious you. The one who said cool things but never explained them, leaving me to fill in the gaps. I think back on our early days, of the beloved original trilogy, with such fondness, flaws and all.
You were so bold. So fresh. A New Hope, while following the classic story structure, was also an exemplary teaching tool of “show, don’t tell.” You didn’t explain anything. Stormtroopers, Darth Vader, Galactic Senate, Rebel Alliance, droids, and more in the first five minutes with nary an explanation. And that’s before we even get into The Force, Lightsabers and whatever the hell a Kessel Run was.
That was you. Uncompromising.
But over the years, you changed. Maybe that’s what happens－the longer you’re with someone, you lose that sense of mystery. And in this time you went out of your way to explain yourself. You licensed yourself out to countless books that sought to explain . . . hell, every stupid nuanced fucking thing.
Sure, sure. Some were kinda fun, I won’t lie. It honestly was nice to see some further adventures of the old gang. But there came a point when it was too much. And instead of drawing back, you doubled down.
Midichlorians? Really?
Image from Quickmeme
Hell, two of the modern movies you recently made were nothing but explaining yourself. Rogue One was a story about a “plot hole” no one cared about. Sure, it was fun overall. But there was only one character worth caring about, the droid K-2SO. Those other chumps might as well have been a nameless D&D adventuring party for all the personality, and lack of camaraderie, you gave them.
And Solo? Really? You’re telling me that everything about Han, from his name, gun, ship, Chewbacca, and Lando, all happened over the course of a week and he never evolved since? Yes, I’m being hyperbolic . . . technically he got his name when he enlisted and the rest came two years later. But really “I have no people” = “Hmm, Han . . . Solo.”
God, you’re a douche.
I’m sorry. I take that back.
You did create The Clone Wars and Rebels, after all. And once more, you had me. Character development. Pulp-action story style. Mixing the magic and the tech. Stakes. Imagery without explanation. It was . . . well, it was perfect.
But then you made “the modern trilogy,” and it was like our relationship was just going through the motions. Worse, you sacrificed actual adventure for mystery boxes. And let’s not kid ourselves. Desert planet? Droid with a secret? Protagonist in robes that becomes a Jedi? A death star-like weapon? You know damn well The Force Awakens followed New Hope’s plot and imagery. But yes, it was nice to see you again after all this time. And yes, I admit it, I really liked Rey. She was affable and fun to watch. Hell, I even kinda liked Kylo Ren.
And then . . . then The Last Jedi came. The cinematic equivalent of a surprise finger in the ass during sex.
Image from The Great Outdoorsman
Moreover, it felt like you went off to college, took freshman-level poli sci and philosophy classes, and came back an insufferable know-it-all. Capitalism, war profiteering, and the nature of man? Gasp. How intellectual of you. But you ham-fisted your thesis into a pulp space opera populated by knights, princesses, and rogues. Why?
I mean, if you had originally started that way, more like Star Trek, where social thought and science was the crux of the adventure, I wouldn’t have minded. But it felt like you adjusted your black-rimmed glasses, affixed your beret, tossed your scarf over your shoulder, and then with a few narrative strokes of your pen, abandoned the love of your legacy characters and the love of adventure in lieu of a preachy narrative that . . .
Sigh. You know what, never mind. That’s not the point of this letter. You tried something new and it was what it was. And what it was wasn’t for me.
The point of this breakup is simple. There are parts of you I will always love. And there are parts I could never love. In the end, I will never forget the laughter and love we shared and will always cherish our time together.
But you see, I’m a man now. I have a family of my own. I even recently tried telling my eight-year-old old son about our relationship by showing you to him. Honestly, he was a bit bored. And frankly, I can’t blame him. A New Hope is a slow burn. And he’s seen so many other shows and movies that stood on your back that the spectacle isn’t the same for him.
Which is what Rise of Skywalker was. A complete spectacle devoid of anything to say. It was fun. But like our relationship, I didn’t like it.
Sigh. I wish you well, Star Wars. I hope you have nothing but success with your new adventures. And if I’m being honest, I’ll stalk you online from time to time. I’ll watch your new stuff. Just try to remember you’re not Star Trek, or any other sci-fi. Be the you I know you can be.
But that doesn’t mean I’ll ever love you again.
Image from Quickmeme
Scorsese Doubts Marvel Movies as Cinema? -or- Hating Popular Things to Sound Cool
An old adage of mine is simple and goes something like this: “Are you being critical, or are you just an asshole?” And I recently added the follow-on caveat of: “And if so, are you one of those assholes who hates things just because they’re popular?”
Image from Know Your Meme
Recently, acclaimed filmmaker Martin Scorsese came out against the wave of comic movies, citing Marvel in particular, as not being “cinema” (HERE). The legendary filmmaker went so far as to refer to the genre as being “theme parks”, as they (Marvel Movies) are not “the cinema of human beings trying to convey emotional, psychological experiences to another human being.”
Wow. Those are some weighted and profound words. And If I were to be a touch catty, I would ask: was it cinema when he directed Jonah Hill to simulate jerking-off a prosthetic penis to (presented as a sex object) Margo Robbie in The Wolf of Wall Street? You know, the same movie that opens with DiCaprio snorting cocaine off a hookers ass, enjoys a nice round “dwarf-bowling”, and flaunts Caligula levels of kinky sex.
And yes . . . I own this movie :)
Image from Imgur.com
Full disclosure, I like the MCU/comic genre of movies and Scorsese’s words rubbed me the wrong way. I don’t like all comic flicks, and I also like/love some of Scorsese’s movies (Gangs of New York being one of my all time favorite movies) . . . but not all of them.
So when (some of) the internet balked at Scorsese’s comments, he doubled down a few days later. (HERE). On the back of that, celebrities like Jennifer Aniston have purportedly claimed that Marvel movies (and I assume the genre) have diminished what is available in terms of acting projects. But hey, that Netflix rom-com murder mystery movie is getting a sequel, so good for her.
But what really struck me as interesting was the wave of vocal supporters for the Goodfellas director. Not because of what he said, the man has a right to his opinion. After all, he’s been been involved with bringing movies to the silver screen since 1959. He’s earned his opinion. (One which is not new) No, what struck me as odd was the vitriol at which some people railed against the Disney-owned Marvel. The venom they spewed was hateful, cruel, and barbaric.
Basically how everyone who is not a New England Patriots fan reacted when The Pat’s won their last Superbowl. … But seriously NE people, y’all are really freaking annoying. You know that right? You are the definition of Sore Winners. There’s a reason people don’t cheer for you.
Image form Golf Digest
As all this went on, pop-culture websites and YouTube channels did as they do, covered the nothing-burger in order to gain clicks and views. Some called the situation a case of old man yelling at clouds. Some said Scorsese was trolling, or that he was jealous of MCU’s success. And as I ingested these comments and views, I started to believe that this wasn’t just an old school movie maker attacking modern trends. I think there are two issues at play.
The first, and actually least important, is: The Natural Reaction to Popular Things.
I’ve always been interested in the phenomena of why people hate on popular things. What is it that makes us, as humans, balk against whatever is popular? I think we’ve all heard, or said, something akin to:
That’s not real music!
You call that art?
You’re so basic!
You eat what? Do you even know what good food is?
That show is so overrated!
The book was better!
Pumpkin spice?!
But why do we do that over something subjective? What is it about things that are beloved by the populace, or at least perceived to be loved, that makes some people so angry? There is a term in psychology called normative social influence (HERE) that basically says that there is an effect due to inherent tribalism that makes people “go with the flow” even if they don’t like something. A communal sense of belonging. In other words, conformity. Another aspect is the mere-exposure effect (or familiarity principle) which as the name suggests, is the more one is exposed to a thing, the more comfortable and accepting they are of it.
Conversely, Rebellion in Group (HERE) is also natural. The thought that rebellion is a strategy of social action to overthrow the group's status quo or to adamantly oppose its revision. Beyond simple rebellion, is the iconoclast. Or, those who feel it is their imperative to tear down idols and to attack cherished beliefs or institutions.
You know . . . like assholes.
Oh, don’t get me wrong. The need to challenge the status quo is a necessity for change, good or bad, to occur. And such actions, leaders, and thinkers are a vital part of society. That being said, lifting something up doesn’t mean you have to push something down.
Another way of thinking about it is: sometimes you have to burn down the old to make way for the new. Conversely, some people just want to see the world burn.
Image from Know Your Meme
When the MCU began with Iron Man, people were skeptical. As the movies grew and became interconnected, people smiled. As they grew further into overlapping properties and team-up movies, they broke bank records and people cheered. But as the juggernaut continued to dominate and grow, that’s when the caution flags started going up. Bitter words were spoken. And then tribalism reared its ugly head.
Looking back on Scorsese’s comments, I honestly don’t think folks are trying to argue that comic movies/MCU are “high art”. I think people were balking at the dismissive, pejorative manner in which Scorsese’s words came across. But, I don’t think his comments fall into the natural rebellion model--while the jabbering squawks of the MCU haters and trolls do. No, I think there is more to it. Something deeper.
This brings me to the second part: Fear of Change.
In 2017, at the MCM London Comic Con, Anthony Mackie, “Falcon” in the MCU, was interviewed on a panel. During the interview (HERE), I think he hit the nail on the head. He said: “People used to go see the Stallone movie. People used to go see the Schwarzenegger the movie. Now they go see “X-Men”. The evolution of the superhero has meant the death of the movie star. And that’s the fear now.” Further in the interview, Mackie admits that the cost of the theater experience has gone up, while home theater technology has gone down. Coupled with other forces, that creates a disinterest to going to the movies. Or, as some think-pieces have said, the death of the cinema. Many of which would like to lay the blame at feet of superhero movies.
Perhaps these factors were what Mr. Scorsese was getting at. The fear of a named franchise destroying the implied artistic standard? A model which has been prevalent since the beginnings of the superstore overtaking “Mom and Pop Shops”. I’ve briefly written about the subject before (HERE). I was warned when I started writing books that stand alone novels were nice, but people came back for the franchises. Recognition and familiarity of characters were what made people come back. And let’s be honest, short of James Bond or Star Wars, no one else has built a franchise in name and scope quite like the MCU.
When it comes to our preferred entertainment, and the perceived value they bring, the result is almost always the same. Some may see the work as less, while others might see it as more. Inspiration comes from many places. Often in the most unique and bizarre ways. Sure, the comic genre might be a CGI nightmare of spandex and punching to some, but others might see the struggle of a hero an be inspired.
So, long story short, are the MCU movies cinema? Well, in the film-studies major, self-professed prestige-piece aficionado, tiny fedora-wearing sense . . . likely not.
Image from MeMe
But, do they “convey emotional, psychological experiences to another human being”? For some, without a doubt. For others, no, they’re just fun. The level of which comes down to human subjectivity vice a standard metric.
So, I end this rambling pseudo-intellectual think piece with this, as I often do: like what you like, love (who) what you love, and don’t let anyone tell you differently. Those who try and shit on what you like, instead of just minding their own business and just liking what they like, are as I said earlier: assholes.
Image from NME.com
The Princess Bride IS Due for an Update -or- Remake Everything and Let Capitalism Sort it Out
“I felt a great disturbance in the Force. As if millions of voices cried out in terror…”
~ Ben Kenobi
“Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.”
~ George Carlin
Image from Amazon
I’m just going to come out and say it: I honestly don’t give a shit if they remake The Princess Bride. In fact . . . I kinda hope they do. Unpopular opinion, I know. And not one born from a desire to troll (even if its a teeny bit fun :) ). Just a personal opinion. Others may disagree, and that’s fair.
When I heard the talk about a possible remake, my honest first thought was: Oh, that would be cool. Then while mindlessly checking social media, I saw that the internet had lost its fucking mind. I sighed. Angry people brandishing digital pitchforks and torches shouldn’t surprise anyone at this point.
I thought of a simpler time, when the internet was for research, chat rooms, free music, and a bountiful cornucopia of porn. Alas, the ubiquity of social media on every device allows for every stray thought and opinion of others to be slammed directly in front of your eyes. What’s worse, is that online “journalism”, and even the traditional news cycle, harvests the overly-opinionated online angst like ripe crops, and shoves it back into the proverbial mouths of whatever like-minded/politically affiliated base they pander to. All in the name of clicks-to-ad revenue. (And you thought they shared your beliefs, didn’t you? Tsk tsk ;-) )
But back to the topic at hand. Once I pushed through the countless memes and legion of venom-spewing Princess Bride purists, I really had to ask myself: why not? Sure, I liked the movie. Hell, at one point in my youth, I had it memorized, word-for-word, down to the sound effects. But, what if they did remake it? Or reimagine it? That could be cool.
What if they turned The Princess Bride as a space opera? Warring interplanetary kingdoms. Westley could become a space pirate? Vizzini could planet-hop with Buttercup and Westley has to track them across various systems. Miracle Max could live on a Dagobah planet? Even the life-sucking torture scene with Count Rugen could happen on a space station that Indigo and Fezzik needed to infiltrate?
Or maybe as a 30’s prohibition era gangster movie? That could be a neat setting. Westley could be a returning war hero turned PI/cop that has to track down BC from an Al Capone-like Humperdinck?
See, I’m one of those weirdos who likes when they remake old(er) things. Movies, songs, TV, etc. I think it can be a fun way to revamp a classic for a modern audience. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. Musically, I love “All Along The Watchtower” by Jimi Hendrix (originally by Bob Dylan), “Hurt” by Johnny Cash (originally by Nine Inch Nails), “Ring of Fire” by Social Distortion (originally by Johnny Cash), and “Over the Rainbow” by Israel Kamakawiwo’ole (originally by Judy Garland) just to name a few.
Video games get remade all the time. Bringing classic games to modern consoles for newer generations to appreciate. They fix jenky controls, make it visually appealing, and next thing you know, the old is new again.
In movies, Oceans’ 11 is a good example of a remake. And some folks even liked Ocean’s 8. While Ghostbusters 2016 was divisive, Disney remains rife with remakes (Lion King, Beauty and the Beast, Aladdin, etc). And of course there is Conan with Jason Mamoa . . . which is NOT a good example.
Heh, I bet Aquabro wishes he woulda made that flick (BROnan?) now, while his star power is high as opposed to then. But, it was Apr 2011 when GoT Season 1 came out, and August 2011 for Conan. So, Drogo gonna Drogo.
Image from IMDB
She-Ra recently made a return on Netflix, with a Kevin Smith helmed He-Man on its way. Some folks bitched about it. But, my 7yr old son and I watched some of the She-Ra eps and he thought it was kinda cool.
But its always funny, to me, when the overtly vocal folks become SO ENRAGED when a movie/TV studio dares to touch something special to them. You know who I’m talking about.
“They did what???!!!! How dare they! #NOTMY[INSERT THE MEDIA THAT MAKES ME FEEL SPECIAL AND OR UNIQUE HERE]”
And it isn’t because I’m “above it”. I’m not really enlightened, or pretentious. I damn sure don’t use the words “Film” or “Cinema” to describe movies. I can even like a bad/over-hyped movie because it was “fun” (Looking at you Avenger’s Endgame. Great character payoffs with a dumb-as-F plot) And for shit’s sake, I love (and own) the extended cut of Hansel & Gretel Witchhunters. So clearly, I’m no freaking authority on what’s “good”.
Image from Amazon
The reason I don’t care about remakes is simple. Ready for the secret? Shh, I’ll whisper it to you: The originals still exists. No one snuck into the night and destroyed all the copies of the thing you like.
Crazy, I know.
Maybe it boils down to it purists. People who staunchly say: “The original is the best!” And you know what, a lot of times, they’re right. And sometimes, subjectively, they’re very much wrong. Perhaps their slogan should really be: “The original is what I know best, and I don’t want someone saying the newer version is just as good/better than what I know best because . . . reasons!”
Admittedly, that’s a bit too long for a slogan.
Hell, while we’re at it, I firmly believe that the Peter Jackson Lord of the Rings movies should be remade. Yeah, I said it. Sure, Fellowship is still pretty solid, as the bulk is filmed with minimal green screen, on location, and with tactile props. But there are certain scenes in that flick--especially more so in the other two--that look like a bad video game cut scene. And there is no real fault per se. It’s just that CGI has come a long way from when those movies were filmed. Obviously they did the best they could with what they had at the time, but certain crucial scenes have not aged well. It is really obvious what’s real, what’s a sound stage, and what is really dated CGI. To watch those now, the nostalgia goggles must be thick to ignore some cringy bits.
Image from Amazon
Plus, a remake could make Gimli cool and not a buffoon for comedic relief
Obviously the argument can be made that entertainment media doesn’t need remakes or re-imaginations, they need original ideas. And I agree. Everyone has heard the expression “Hollywood is out of ideas.” But sadly, there is an axiom that rings true across most mediums, and one I learned early on in my writing career. And that is: stand-alone or new properties don’t sell well. Franchises are what brings people back for more.
Of course there are exceptions. Recent original, non-franchise, non sequel movies like Get Out and Us, garnered a lot of attention on the back of Jordan Peele’s fame. And Us was in the top 20 box office hits this year, #8 in fact. But here are the others, see if you notice a trend:
Avengers: Endgame - Sequel
Lion King - Remake
Toy Story 4 - Sequel
Captain Marvel - Technically new/standalone
Spider Man: Far from Home - Sequel
Aladdin - Remake
It: Chapter 2 - Sequel
Us - Stand alone
John Wick 3 - Sequel
Fast & Furious Hobbs & Shaw - Spin off Sequel
How to Train Your Dragon 3 - Sequel
Secret Life of Pets 2 - Sequel
Detective Pikachu - Stand Alone/loose re-imagination of Game Boy Game
Shazam - Technically new/standalone
Once Upon a Time in Hollywood - Stand Alone
Dumbo - Remake
Glass - Sequel
Godzilla King of Monsters - Sequel
The Upside - Stand Alone
Lego Movie 2 - Sequel
Point is, creating something “new” is hard. Many writers, story resources, and the like, have their own opinion, but the boiled down story basics and story conflict are as follows (and nearly every story is a mix and match of the following):
Story Basics:
Comedy
Journey and Return - A story about transformation
Overcoming “A Monster”
Quest - From point A to point B.
Rags to Riches
Rebirth or renewal
Tragedy
Story Conflict:
Person vs. Fate/God(s)
Person vs. Nature
Person vs. Person
Person vs. Self
Person vs. Society
Person vs. Technology
Person vs. the Unknown/Extraterrestrial
As Mark Twain put it:
“There is no such thing as a new idea. It is impossible. We simply take a lot of old ideas and put them into a sort of mental kaleidoscope. We give them a turn and they make new and curious combinations. We keep on turning and making new combinations indefinitely; but they are the same old pieces of colored glass that have been in use through all the ages.”
So, long story short, I don’t care if a movie, music, show, whatever gets remade. Is it “boring” or “unimaginative”? Maybe. Depends on the finished product.
I’m not trying to convince someone that should/shouldn’t care, or think the way I think; that’s a fool’s errand. Obviously there are far more important things in the world to worry about then a remake of a movie. Entertainment is just that, entertaining. It can distract us from horrors and stress. And, it can even enlighten when done right (or be a heavy handed punch in the metaphorical mouth).
But when done right, a nice remake or re-imagining can be something pretty cool.
Westside Story is Romeo and Juliet,
10 Things I hate about you is Taming of the Shrew,
Apocalypse Now is Heart of Darkness,
Lion King is Hamlet,
O Brother Where art Thou is The Odyssey,
Clueless is Jane Austin’s Emma,
Young Frankenstein is a comedic spoof of Frankenstein,
The Force Awakens is clearly a reskin of Star Wars: A New Hope
Heh heh. Oh, and don’t forget that The Princess Bride WAS a book published in 1973, written by William Goldman.
Image from Building a Library
Point is, if you Google best remakes or song covers, you’ll find some really neat stuff you may not have known. So, why sholdn’t The Princess Bride be remade?
. . . unless you think about it as:
a white girl, with limited agency, who is an object to be won. A prize, if you will, that is battled over by two classic stereotypes of (toxic) masculinity. Coupled with the sheer lack of ethnic diversity, the movie does show its age and biases. Come to think of it, I think Mandy Patinkin is a Chicago-born Jewish man . . . playing a Spaniard?! (ouch!). And Billy Crystal and Carol Kane are doing some kind of mockery of the elderly. Not Cool. And what the fuck is a “Holocaust” cloak? Hmm? If they meant flame-resistant, then say that. And wait . . . didn’t Westly like . . . kill tons of people as a pirate? He’s the hero? Even more, he barely knew Buttercup and left her to find his fortune while she minded the farm? Then got indignant when after 5 years she moved on? Uh-uh! She isn’t property.
You know what. Fuck this movie and any potential remake!
From Giphy
:) Well, that was a bit of lighthearted fun. So in the end, love what you love, and don’t let anyone tell you different. Besides, we can attack the REAL problem. Jason Bateman and Ryan Reynolds wanna remake Clue!
The Thin Line Between Fan and Fanatic -or- Did Game of Thrones Let Us Down?
Online Meme
Yes, you are allowed to criticize art. Let me repeat this because apparently it needs to be said. YOU, the consumer of commercial art, a packaged, polished, and highly produced product, are allowed to give your opinion, comment, praise and/or criticize the thing. Especially if you paid for it. Shocker, I know.
Like many people, I watched the final season of Game of Thrones. And I was disappointed. I’ve written previously about the off-screen jet packs and rocket powered ravens for the last couple of seasons, but I held off writing anything more until after the dust settled on this season. And what I saw, in my opinion, was a very beautifully shot, well acted, highly rushed piece of commercial art.
In my opinion, the nuance and pacing of the first few seasons had been cast aside for the sake of spectacle and the desire to just cross the finish line. It reminded me of a horny idiot just wanting get to laid. The kind of person who thinks looking good trumps substance, and that foreplay is waste of time.
Image from MTV’s Jersey Shore
But after the final episode was over I saw fans online getting upset. And weirder still, was the media backlash to fan outrage. And as of this writing, the Change.org petition to remake the final season of GoT has reached over 1.6 million signatures. Now, I’d like to think these people know that that will never happen and are just expressing their displeasure as fans of show that concluded a 9-year journey as shadow of its former glory. But this piece isn’t really about Game of Thrones. It’s about fan reaction to the entertainment that they love and the perceived problem with fan outrage.
Before I dive in, let me be CRYSTAL CLEAR: I do NOT believe the fans have the “right” to dictate how a creator should craft their work. No matter how invested they are. BUT, fans do get to express their opinions about how they receive said work. And said creators should also remember the expression: don’t bite the hand that feeds.
I’m looking at you Rian Johnson.
In my mind, a creator doesn’t get to hide behind their “art” when fans become upset. Especially when said art is, as I said in the opening paragraph, a packaged, polished, and highly produced commercial product meant for mass consumption. Mainly because when making a comic, a movie, a book, a song, or a video game, the creator has to decide if said creation’s subject matter or style is meant for a wide audience or a smaller, more niche audience.
I expressed this opinion the other day on social media while discussing the finale of Game of Thrones. And, oh my, by the reaction I got from some folks, you’d think I’d defended Harvey Weinstein. It went a little something like this:
“Who the fuck are you to question the artist?!”
“The one who consumes it and/or pays for it.”
“Oh, like your fucking HBO subscription gives you the right to tell them to reshoot he whole season? Fucking entitled manbaby!”
“No, it gives me the right to say I was upset, and that it seems like they rushed it in order to go over to Disney and start the next Star Wars movie.”
“And how the fuck would you know? Hmm? Are you their fucking agent?”
“No, but I do have Google”
4 Jan 18 - HBO Confirms Game of Throne Won’t Air Season 8 Until 2019
6 Feb 18 - Star Wars Confirms Game of Throne Weiss and Benihoff to Write & Produce New Star Wars Trilogy
15 Mar 19 - HBO Confirms Season 8 Shortest Season So Far
14 May 19 - Benioff and Weiss Star Wars in 2022
“They’re the artist and you’re not!”
“Funny, because when they were drowning in cash from their checks, Blu-Ray sales, and license deals for video games, t-shirts, and Funko Pops, no one said shit about artistic integrity. Seems like that expression only gets thrown around when the populace has a negative reaction to some kind of entertainment media.”
“And if a band changes their sound, fans can tell them to go back?!”
“No, fans can stop listening.”
“So the artist can’t grow?!”
“No, they can. Hopefully they cultivate an audience that grows with them.”
“You must want the Hollywood ending for everything!”
“I don’t care how something ends, as long as the story is developed in a way that feels earned.”
“Fuck you edgelord!”
“Enjoy your next tumblr rally asshole.”
The argument has raged on forever: who owns the art, the artist or the people? And obviously the answer is: the artist. But, the artist needs to remember that they got to that elevated level, because of the fans. I think that there are certain creators (and celebrities) who have lived on a pedestal for so long, they’ve forgotten the very people who put them there, who called them exceptional, and who threw their hard-earned money at them. The fans lifted them from obscurity and made them “special”.
They forgot that they were the lucky ones.
Because frankly, there are millions of creators out there with amazing ideas. Yes, there is a lot of hard work that goes into creating something, and harder work still to market and promote. As an indy SFF writer, trust me, I know. And having months (or years) of work dismissed with a shitty comment or pissy review is heartbreaking. But, at the end of the day, there is a still a shit-load of luck involved when it comes to being noticed.
So for those famous folk who need a little reminder of humility, remember the words of the bard Kendrick Lamar: Bitch . . . be Humble
So when I see creators clapping-back at the fans while simultaneously clutching at their pearls,gasping: “how dare you?!”, well, to that I say, “enjoy the way down.” Because one thing the masses enjoy almost as much as celebrating victory, is the schadenfrude when the exalted fall.
But with all that said, there is of course a limit to a fan expressing their displeasure. As a writer, I’ve had many people leave reviews that have been incredibly toxic. But that comes with the territory. I was told by friends and colleagues to “get a thicker skin”.
But, at NO POINT, should a displeased fan reach out via the internet (or in real life) and issue threats of any kind. Normally that kind of thing doesn’t need to be said. But, less folks think this blog is all about fan empowerment, let me be clear on another point: There is no formal contract between creator and consumer. It sucks, I know. You buy their stuff, they cash the checks. That’s it.
But, if they are smart, the creator will listen to feedback and use that to help shape their work, rather than being beholden to it. They should consider what is best for the story and their fan base, not their ego.
**Oh, and the words “subverting expectations” should die in a lake of fire. That concept is not new, and it isn’t quirky, witty, insightful, or pithy to toss around. Hell, at this point, “subverting expectations” IS the new “Hollywood ending”.**
For those who think this level of fan outrage is a product of the current generation due to the internet, allow me to point you at the way back machine. In 1893, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle killed off his creation Sherlock Holmes, and man, fans were pissed. And after 8 years of pressure, Doyle released Hound of the Baskervilles, set when Holmes was still alive. And in 1903, brought Holmes back from the dead, with Sherlock explaining that he faked his death.
In 1997, Star Wars was re-released with Greedo shooting first. That went over well? I think the words “killed my childhood” were born.
In 2008, and after 24 years of waiting, fans got Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. And, well . . . yeah. That was a thing.
The long story short of this is simple. Fans are allowed to be outspoken. They are the ones who keep the entertainment machine turning. It is on their backs that the empire is built. But, fans should also take it down a notch. It is just entertainment. There are in fact real-world problems to focus our energy on. Toxic fandom IS a thing. Such negativity has hurt people in the real world. Don’t be an asshole. Express your opinion, sign a petition, vote with your wallet, and that’s it. There are warning signs when you’re in a bad relationship, and the same apply to your fan loyalty: Resentment, Disrespect, Dishonesty, Mistrust, Distancing, Defensiveness, and Contempt. If you sense your favorite franchise doing that to you, then walk away. Just make sure you’re not the one showing those signs.
So, Game of Thrones ended with not a bang, but with a whimper. It sucks. But, so did the Sopranos and Lost. It will just be another entertainment corpse on the pile. Remember the good times and hope ole RR Martin hangs on long enough to finish the books. But by this point, there are so many characters who I don’t give two shits about, that I just don’t care anymore.
Courtesy of Aww Memes
But before I go, a quick message to famous, high-profile, A-List creators, artists, and developers: Don’t fuck it up. Respect your fans. When you do fuck up, which you have and will do again, own up to it. Don’t lash out at them. They want to praise your work. Let them. Because if driving over a Jawa would kick you out so that my books would become the next big thing on HBO, Netflix, Hulu, Amazon Prime, a comic, or video game? Well, I’d rev the engine and not think twice.
